The Stitches of my Heart

After a couple of story books and a Chapter from Charlotte's Web I tucked Adrian in on the top bunk, asked for a kiss which was deliciously and promptly given (as always). We said our 'I love you's'.

"To the moon and back, forever and ever and always...don't you forget it!"

As I climbed (mercifully) down the ladder (I don't remember those rungs hurting my feet so much as a child) I saw my littlest snug as a bug in the duvet on the bottom bunk.

Would tonight be the night?  For both of them to share the room, the bunk beds and all?

"Fin, do you want to sleep here or in your crib in your own room?"  He is, after all, an independent soul who craves his own space and doles out his affection at his own accord.  Do not push or invade into his personal territory.  You will be shunned.  Mercilessly so.  Not even a fake pout or cry will get you sympathy.  Not any more.  Not even to his own Mother.  This is not to say he is as prickly as a cactus, for he is not at all.  He loves giving hugs and gives the most scrumptious and juiciest of smooches.  But on his own time.  At his own free will.

Clingy girls of his future...be warned.  I fear for your broken hearts.

"Sleep here."  The decision was made.

I laid my head down beside his to ensure no after dark parties would be taking place whilst Mother's not around.

I hadn't lain beside my youngest for naps or bed time since he was a newborn babe.  I wondered how long it would take for him to settle.

After a couple "Hellooo down there's!" from Adrian on the top bunk calling through the crack where the bed and wall meet I heard some rustling and settling in.  Then quiet from above.

I laid on my side facing my little one.  Despite the black out blinds in the room the light from the evening sun spilled through the window of our foyer into the upstairs hallway and made it's way into the bedroom.

I closed my eyes and every now and then would peek out of one eye to see if he'd fallen asleep yet.

Every time I would meet his big blue eyes staring at mine, his zazzy (his own made up word for soother) making the adorable rhythmic up and down motion in his mouth.

I quickly shut my eye again.  I felt his fingers trace my face and tickle my lips.  I kissed his sweet fingertips.  Then pretending to munch on them.

Nom, nom, nom.

Belly giggles.  The best kind.

Finally.

Quiet.

Just as I thought sleep had descended and I could make a break for it, a shadow crossed my closed eyes.  I opened them up to find myself eye to eye with Sleepy Sheepy, Finley's impish face peeking out behind his off white fluffy ear.  I laid Sleepy Sheepy between us and we said good night again.

The shadow moved across my shut eyes once more.  And there they were again.

So this was what it was like to try and fall asleep with my little one.

Silly, sweet and a little restless.

Eventually Mr Sandman entered and all I could hear was the beautiful sound of deep, even breathing.

The sky was now darkened. I gave his soft warm cheek one last kiss good night and quietly made my way to the door.

I paused at the doorway giving one last wistful glance from the doorway at my sound sleeping sons.

In bunk beds.

My heart swelled until I felt it split open - just a tiny bit...like a seam on a well loved toy.

An unravelling in the stitches of my heart.

There would be more.

This was just the beginning.

My babies.

They were growing up.