Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Twelve Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids

Linking up over at 18 Years to Life about the crazy things we say to our kids...

1. Honey, I love you but I don't love your boogers.

2. The dog is not a horse so please don't ride her like one.

3. Shall I put some dog food in a dish and add milk for you? (after I caught him munching on some for the umpteenth time)

4. Mummy's underwear is not an accessory. (as I pull my bright pink thong off of his head)

5. Sweetie - that is not your toothpaste - that is polysporin.

6. Ooooooh!  Your little bum is so delicious!  Can I eat it???

7. No baby, we don't play with knives. (rest assured he did not have a knife in hand but was reaching for one)

8. It's okay to give Riley kisses but please don't kiss her butt.

9. Please don't eat Mommy's earplugs.

10. Stop!  Stop it!  We do not eat gum off the sidewalk!  

11. No honey, you cannot have a beer.

12. Fine!  That's fine!  Ride your bike naked but don't cry to me when your little peanut gets hurt.

Yes, that is my naked son riding a bike.
At least he had the forethought to put on his helmet.

11 comments:

Amber_D said...

Too funny!

And why do ALL kids want to eat dog food?

The Lifers said...

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the last one!

parenting ad absurdum said...

Ha! The photo alone is worth millions.

Antje M. Rauwerda said...

Cute pic! Save that for his wedding.

Jenni Chiu @MommyNaniBooboo said...

Okay- that's the best picture ever! And I think I've said almost all of those-or a version of them.
Still- best picture ever! Apparently mommies should always remind kids to wear helmets... and pants...

Sara said...

I can so relate to #5! They need to stop putting stuff that's not toothpaste in toothpaste-like tubes!

Thanks for linking up with us and sharing a hilarious list!

~ Sara from http://18years2life.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

ride to my house lets f--k, I love tight little boys

Anonymous said...

I would love to suck on your little sons penis. Just let me stop him while he is riding his bike I will lean him back while he is still on his bike and I will start stroking his little boy penis off then I would pick him up off his bike carry him to a secluded area where no one can find us lay him down on the ground then I would start jerking your sons penis off then I would flip him over slap him on his bum cheeks watch his bum cheeks jiggle then gag him fuck him then listen to him moan and scream, love when little boys scream and cry then I get off him I flip him over see how scared he is lay him down and then I will start sucking on your sons smooth little boy penis and jerk him off until he spurts his cum every. If I was his doctor I would ask you to leave the room for a little while so I can speak to your son privately. Once you leave I will ask your son to come and lay down on the exam table so I can check under your underwear so he says ok so then I pull his underwear off and I then start stroking his penis off and then I say I need to get a seamen sample from you so he says ok so then I start jerking him off and he says I need to go pee and I say ok but I just keep jerking his penis off and he finally spurted his cum out then I said I need a poop sample so he said ok so then I put different size swabs in his bum and I also got a bum blood sample then I said your done so he was getting his undies back on but I saw how big his smooth little boy penis was and it was bouncing around and I could not get his penis out of my head so when he started putting his underwear back on I grabbed him placed him back on to the exam table forced opened his knees and I started to stroke his smooth little boy penis again and then started to jerk off his penis again then he said his penis was feeling like it was going to explode. I said it’s ok. He said please stop but I said nothing and just jerked his smooth penis off faster until he spurted his cum I was using his underwear to catch some of his cum. I just kept jerking his penis off even after he came.

Anonymous said...

Your son came back to the doctors office for his annual physical exam and I had mom just stay in the waiting room once his sons name was called so once his name was called he came back with the nurse, I knocked on the door the little boy said come in and I said hello and I closed the door and I said please take off all your clothes off except for your underwear and come sit on the exam table so you’re son did and I then checked him out and then I told him I now need to check under his underwear to take your underwear off and lay down. So he does and I then said I need to get a couple things from you, first thing I need is a seamen sample from you so just lay back and relax. So I started stroking his penis off and he said he feels like his penis is going to explode I said it’s ok then I jerked his penis off really fast then he started to cum then I said now I need to get a poop sample from you now so I am going to put different size swabs in your bum then I would need to get a bum blood sample so I then turned your son back over and I said your done but I saw how big his penis is and how much his penis jiggles so when you’re son is putting his underwear back on I grab him laid him back down on the exam table and then squeezed his bum cheeks and then I started to stroke his smooth little boy penis off again until he spurts his cum out the little boy said he really needs to go pee. I said ok but I just kept jerking him off harder then he said something is happening and I said itS ok then the little boy spurted his cum out And the little boy gasped and I said that’s it I kept jerking his penis off and pushing out more cum and then I flipped over the little boy Just to look into his bum. The little boy was all dressed ready to leave then I grabbed him one more time told him this is going to take a couple of minutes then I sat him down on the exam table unzipped his pants only took his penis out from the fly of the jeans and his underwear then started stroking his smooth penis Again and 10 seconds later the little boy spurted his cum out then I spread his legs open and stuck his penis in my mouth and I licked his smooth penis head off and swallowed all of your sons smooth penis head precum that was oozing out from his urethra

Alec said...

I would love to stroke your sons smooth little boy penis and touch his penis head to feel how slippery his penis head is then I would take your son off his bike and lay him down on the ground and lick his penis head off then give your son a blowjob and force him to explode all his sweet little boy cum into my mouth and I swallow it then I would love to slide my penis into his chubby bum and fuck him then I would lick his penis head and then leave

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