Thursday, December 1, 2011

Almost 4 ... or 14?

Remember this sweet story? (you will realize after reading it, that was said with 100% dripping sarcasm).

Apparently, there's the terrible twos, the trying threes and the f#(#!&@ fours.

Do you know this too?!!

Why was I not let in on this until now?

Here I am suffering through the age of three but on those really bad days when I all I want to do is lock myself in the bathroom and cry but stop short of a mental breakdown and chant insanely calmly to myself..."just a few more months to go until four hits and it'll all get better."

It'll all get better soon.

It'll all get better soon.

What exactly did I think was going to happen?

On the night my child turns four a magical fairy sprinkles sane invisible glitter over my child and upon waking the next morning he's calm, logical, unwhiny and without exorcism requirements?

Why yes.  Yes.  I guess I did.

Well guys.  The other day my friends just rained on my parade.

Spilled the beans.

And killed my soul.

There is no magical fairy that does such a thing on the night before the child's fourth birthday.

In fact...they get worse???!!!!

At four years old they develop an attitude with a capital A.  This is what they told me!

I thought to!  Can't be!

Yes, my boy has meltdowns and tantrums of epic proportions.

But he's so sweet!  He loves his Mumma.  Not my child.  Nooo.  Never!

Mere days after my friends crushed me with the bitter news I found myself uttering phrases to my son like:

"Don't you talk to me that way."  

"Watch your tone Mister."  

"Excuse me?  Who do you think you're talking to?"

These are all phrases I imagined myself saying to my 14 year old.  Not my almost 4 year old.

And then this conversation happened at dinner the other night;

Me:  "Adrian, turn around, sit down on your bum and eat your dinner please."  Only for the fifth time in five minutes.

He turned around and repeated what I said to him with an attitude that would make a 14 year old look angelic.

He not only had attitude...he was mocking me!

Me, in my most authoritative voice,  "Don't you talk to me like that!"

He pointed his finger in my face, stared at me straight in the eyes and said, "YOU!"

I have no idea what this was supposed to mean.  Because though he's almost four and is giving attitude, he's still not quite four and doesn't make a whole lot of sense  a lot of the time sometimes.

Me, indignant, "Pardon me?!"

He turned his head away, looking down at this dinner, shook his head profusely, his curls bouncing around on his head and muttered under his breath, "Just forget about it."

Oh wow.

Clearly, I have not.


middle child said...

It's nothing compared to a daughter when she hits puberty. For now....self-medicate as needed!

Lisa said...

We have a 14 year old niece...

it's gonna be okay. :)