Dear Adrian and Finley;
Since I've given birth to you both, the previous tough skin I had surrounding my sensitivity and emotional bearing has become thin...almost tissue like. Especially when it comes to news surrounding children.
About any children. Any child. Anywhere.
You might have noticed by now that I never watch the news (due to what I consider to be a heightened sensitive nature) but since you've both been blessed into my life, this sensitivity has grown tenfold. The empathy that I've always felt for people has become almost too immense for me to handle at times. Though I keep this part of me quiet, silent to others...it's there. Always.
Adrian and Finley, today I overheard a conversation that made my gut turn and brought tears to my eyes.
The words the woman said to her friend have stuck with me, haunting my mind, "He was 16 years old. He was speeding. You make one small mistake and then boom. He lived through the accident but died the next day in the hospital. I have to go the wake this afternoon."
As those words were spoken, I said a silent prayer with a huge lump in my throat for those parents of that 16 year old boy that I did not know.
I simply cannot, nor do I ever want to imagine the heartbreaking, unspeakable pain those parents are going through right now.
Sons of mine.
There are so many, many things I want to tell you.
What to do. What not to do.
I wish I could keep you with me, protected always, as I do right now.
But that's not real life.
And as much as I want to keep you with me, under the umbrella of my care and love always, I look forward to seeing you both grow into strong, smart, independent men with character.
It's also very important for me that you have autonomy. To know from right and wrong, to make good choices.
I hope that your father and I do a good enough job as parents that you understand this and let the things we advise you of be your guidance. I expect that you'll make mistakes, make decisions that we'll not always approve of. But I also hope you feel like you can come to us when you need to. Or even if you simply want to. Truly. I mean that. And I will do my very best to ensure that you always know this.
I also hope that when the day comes where keys are turned over to you, you will have our voices in your head loud and clear as you cruise down the road feeling that sweet taste of freedom that comes with getting your driver's license; "DRIVE SAFE. BE RESPONSIBLE. DO NOT SPEED."
You are boys. Boys tend to be reckless. Boys do first, think later. I know this.
It doesn't mean I like this.
And I have trouble with this already, I know.
I just have one favour to ask of you as you grow into young adults.
Please. Please. Please.
Don't make me worry more than I already will be.
(Ha! I know. If only it were that easy...but just in case, I'll never know what sticks in your minds. Maybe this letter will.)
I love you both so much.
Mere words could never express and so I will say what I always do, every night, as I tuck you into bed...
To the moon and back forever and ever and always.
Don't you ever forget that.
Your Mumma xo