I Breathe

Their skin is baby soft and their eyes illuminate goodness and innocence.

I Breathe and Hold and Squeeze them to me.

They wriggle and giggle and push at me for space.

Then collapse back into me.

I Breathe and Hold and Squeeze them to me.

My fingers entwine with theirs and my heart expands and explodes at once.

They are here, they are safe.

My mind is a darkened haze that swirls with scenes I wish to block out.

The sweetness of having my sons with me is tainted with the darkness in my mind.

I Breathe and Hold and Squeeze them to me.

My eyes reflect relief, great love and tremendous sadness.

And yes.  Anger.

My sons' question why.

Why are you crying?

My eyes prickle.  My throat tightens.  My mind an array of nonsensical prayers and thoughts.

What can you say when something worse than your worst nightmares occurs?

What can you do?

How do I answer...what do I say?

Nothing seems right.

My spirit is adrift...but my babies are right here.  Giant pieces of my heart and soul.

As 27 families have just lost theirs.

I Breathe and Hold and Squeeze them to me.

*******************************************************************************

It's been four days since the horrendous tragedy at Sandy Hooks and I just can't stop thinking and crying for those babies and brave souls.  I feel so small in the wake of such a nightmare.  My eldest stayed home from school today.  He was sick.  I was relieved to not have to say good-bye to him at the school doors...but there's always tomorrow.

Please....do your part -whatever you can.  I sent a card to Sandy Hook Elementary School...

Sandy Hook Elementary School
12 Dickenson DriveSandy Hook, CT 06482, USA

I know it's not a lot but it's something.

Send a note, a card that has nothing to do with Christmas to your child's teacher today.  Hug them if you wish.  I can't imagine being a teacher AND a parent in the wake of what's just happened.  They are struggling so much too.

RIP sweet angels and brave souls...may God be with you.