There are times when I go out in public...on my own....sans offspring.
Is this shocking to you? Sometimes it is for me, let's be honest. Even going to the grocery store by myself is like a mini vacation.
It's at these times when I'm running errands, doing groceries or generally getting the hell outta dodge because if I don't my entire being could very well explode into a raging awful mess, that I actually have the thought of what others think of me while I'm by myself. Do I look like a Mother of 2 little boys? Do I look like a single women simply perusing the stores at the mall for some new fabulous boots? Do I look like a happily married woman? When I have a full face of make up, my hair done, my sassy clothes on and a skip to my hop because...well...I'm alone...I wonder these things.
Sometimes I think I can get away with being a fabulously awesome career woman who has not a care in the world but her work. Sometimes I think I can get away with being a married woman on the brink of possibly starting a family but simply content with where she is in life. Hey, maybe I could get away with being a lipstick lesbian. Let's think wild for a minute here.
Or let's not. Sorry about that.
But then I go to pay for my new fabulous boots. Or my groceries. And my hand goes to the zipper of my purse and then it alllll comes into focus....about who I really am.
I am a Mother...that is first and foremost at this point in my life right now. And the evidence, ladies and gentlemen, is in my purse.
What you could find in my purse at this very minute if you should ever dare to look is...
* A Captain Britain figurine (Oh? You thought there was only a Captain America? Well. I shall be ever the educator of superheroes for you and let you know that not only is there a Captain Britain but also! A Captain Canuck!)
*An obscene amount of crumpled up grocery store receipts
*A diaper (somehow a dead giveaway right there)
*A beautiful Coach wallet (the only beautiful thing about the innards of my purse)
*A toy motorbike that is missing its handlebars
*A Batman Figurine
*Not one but TWO pairs of plastic vampire teeth. No idea.
*4 tubes of lipgloss all in the varying shades of pink
*Napkins for God only knows what fast food restaurant and how long they've been there for
*Hand Sanitizer (for obvious reasons)
*A Costco flyer (from I have no idea when)
*A business card from my hair person with my next appointment written on it...(hold on...I have to get this on the calendar before this gets lost in the abyss of my purse trenches....)
*An empty glasses case
*2 pens that probably don't work worth a crap
*2 plastic rings in the shape of hearts. They are both orange and sparkly. One has a bat on it and one has a really freaky looking spider.
*A mint from a restaurant that feels like it's actually half of a broken one. How did that get past quality control I ask you?
*An Old Navy clothing tag
*Tampons (sorry, but this is a fact)
*A penny (I hope it's lucky!)
*Far too many crumbs which is totally grossing me out right now
*And a raisin. At least...that's what I think it is.