Saturday, November 17, 2012

I Dreamed a Dream (then I analyzed the crap out of it)

I've heard of people that do not dream when they're sleeping. This I cannot fathom.  It fascinates me that some people either don't dream or don't remember their dreams because I'm a very vivid dreamer.  Every night I dream and dream a LOT.  Crazy long dreams.  Short random ones.  I can recall dreams from when I was a child and I have a few recurring ones.  I have no idea what this says about me or if it even means anything.  I often will wake up in the middle of the night after a particularly vivid one and I always say to myself that I must write this one down because I will forget it in the morning.  Who knows, perhaps I could make it into a book some day like Stephanie Meyer who wrote the Twilight series after dreaming about it one night...maybe I could be the next huge author.

You just never know.

I had one of those insanely clear and strange dreams last night.  I had the same thought that I always do  when I awoke from it and was thisclose to writing it down.  But I was too tired and ended up falling back asleep.  Now I am full of regrets because I don't remember it at all.  Just that it was CRAZY.  There were lots of lively colourful blobs with personality and that's all that comes to me.  There was much more to it but I can't recall anymore of what happened.

When I fell back asleep though, I had another dream.  An incredibly clear and terrifying one.  I don't know what it meant (though I will give my interpretation at the end) but I can tell you right now that it confirmed my negative thoughts on ever going on a cruise - especially with my children.


I was with my husband in what seemed to be a room in the basement of a boat - a very large boat - perhaps a cruise ship but on a smaller scale.  It was a dingy-Bingo-hall-esque type of room and there weren't a lot of people there.  I accidentally knocked over a man's drink - it was a dark drink possibly rum and coke.  He was very sarcastic and he and his wife were not friendly at all towards me.  My husband gave me a five dollar bill and I asked the man what he was drinking so that I could replace the one I knocked over.  He told me snidely, "You know what I was drinking."  But, no I did not.  I stood facing them feeling like an idiot while husband and wife stared at me with nasty smiles on their faces. I glanced over at my husband who was sitting at the next table over. I felt a drop of water on my head.  And then another...and another.  All of a sudden there was a ton of water raining down on us from the ceiling.  A screeching alarm sounded and a large video appeared in front of us that showed one side of the boat exploding into flames.  It was the opposite side of where we were.

Panic gripped me because all of a sudden it occurred to me that my boys were on the boat but I didn't know where.  Then we're on deck but inside a small compartment-type room and Adrian comes into view but out of reach from me.  I feel complete relief but I can't get to him.  Almost as soon as I see him he gets thrown into the water and onto a floatation device.  He had no life jacket on and he was obviously not secured onto the tubular lifesaving device.  It's night time and the waters were so very dark.  I'm so incredibly scared for him but my mind is telling me it somehow makes sense that he's out there and I'm not.  Then the anxiety rises inside me when I realize now I don't know where Finley is.

Finley appears but again...I can't get to him. The same thing happens to him.  I continually yell frantically to them to HOLD ON!  HOLD ON TO THOSE HANDLES AND DON'T LET GO!!!  

I feel sick with worry.  John never leaves my side.  He is completely calm.  Our neighbours were there with us but they didn't seem bothered by what was going on around us.  This was so confusing to me.  There were other relatives on the boat as well but they hadn't brought their children. Their dog however happened to be in the opposite end of the boat that blew up into flames.  I felt terrible for them.  And I felt relieved we hadn't brought Riley with us.

I had so many conflicting emotions barraging me.

The boat was now being tugged to shore.  The fire had been put out.  I kept looking from Adrian to Finley willing them to stay on those floatation devices but feeling so completely helpless though somehow knowing that we were all going to be okay.  All of us were going to be just fine except for the animals on the other side of the boat.

And that's when I woke up, saw my eldest asleep beside me and I pulled him in close.  My heart was pounding.  I was so thankful it was just a dream.

Just a dream.


My interpretation of-course is pretty logical.  My youngest just turned 3, my eldest in now in school and will be turning 5 in a couple of months.  They are growing up.  And it's going by quickly.  At some point I have to let them go to discover the deep, dark and tumultuous waters of the world on their own and it is going to be extremely hard for me.  I will have anxiety.  Naturally.  As they grow into tweens, teens and adolescents there will be proverbial fires to put out and issues to deal with. But I will have my husband by my side.  He will keep me balanced (or at least try to)...most importantly he will always be there, consistent, calm and present.  We will be in this together through stormy nights filled with anxiety and all the craziness in between.  We will see it through to the other side, side by side as the tides of life bring us safely to shore.  The people surrounding us of-course may not be going through what we are so it makes sense that they can't see, can't feel, can't understand the emotions that are happening within me.  As for the poor animals.  I have no idea what all that means.  Except for the fact that I'd been discussing pets on facebook with my neighbours late that night.  That's all I got for that.  And that arrogant couple?  Well I suppose we all come into contact with people like that throughout our life.  And it's all in how you deal with them.  Or don't.

Got any more dreams for me to analyze?  I think I just amazed myself!


middle child said...

Thank-you for writing about your dreams. I too have vivid dreams. I always have and I always will. I have some that are recuring and all kinds of weird ones. Almost all of them are bad dreams. Bad in different ways. But shock of shockers....My dreams this past week have been good dreams. Dreams that I have wanted to finish the following night. I've said this before....once technology becomes advanced enough to record dreams...I will be a cult figure. It seems that you will be also. I have my son-in-law to interpret my dreams. He is wise.

January Dawn said...

Thanks Middle Child! I often wonder if people would be totally uninterested in my dreams (I've written about them a couple times before) but I'm so happy you appreciate them! I hear you on technology recording dreams - that would be wild!!