Monday, May 9, 2011


This evening when I put my little one to bed he was tired.  Really tired...eyes and limbs heavy he did not fight bed time.

15 minutes later when he heard the clatter of his big brother boisterously climbing upstairs the wailing began.

After I sat Adrian in our bed, put on the Tigger Movie and gave him his Spiderman toothbrush giving firm directions to brush his teeth I opened Finley's door to find him standing in his crib, crying pitifully and anxiously pointing to his soother that he had thrown across his room.

I put another soother in his mouth, picked him up out of his crib, wondering wistfully when he got so big.  He gently placed his head on my shoulder (it always makes me melt when my boys do that) and I began to sing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to him.  The song that does magic to calm both my boys down.  I could feel his sturdy little body meld into mine and continued to hold him close taking in the moment after finishing the song, swaying ever so slightly, breathing in his yummy freshly shampooed, baby scent.

Giving him one last kiss good night on his soft cherubic cheek I placed him back in his crib, laying his favourite blankies on him and tucking his lovey, Gigi, into the crook of his neck.

My husband was cleaning the kitchen and listening to music.  'The Space Between' by Dave Matthews Band came on.  Maybe it was the song, premenstrual emotions or the glass of wine I had with dinner (or possibly the combination of all three) but my heart constricted and tears unexpectedly pricked the back of my eyes.  My baby simply stared at me with his wide, soulful blue eyes.  I rested my chin on the crook of my arm that was leaning against the crib and gazed back at him with wet emotion.

My baby.

My little guy.

My sweet boy.

Probably my last.

As I stroked his sweet cheeks with the back of my hand my chest filled with a tremendous amount love and nostalgia, I thought, how fast the past 18 months have gone.

I want to stop time so many moments in a day.

Capture and hold.... just there.

As I listened to the beautiful lyrics of the song I couldn't tear my eyes from his.  I wondered what was going on in his little mind as he continued his deep stare, eyes not moving from mine the soother in his little mouth moving up, down, up, down, up, down.

Just like he did the second I laid eyes on him moments after emerging from my womb he was casting his spell on me.

I gave him one last stroke with my hand, over his fine hair, down his cheek.

"Good night baby boy....sweet dreams...." I moved to his bedroom door and even as I was closing it he continued looking my way.

I blew him a kiss, smiled and whispered "I love you" just as I do every night.

Yes, he cast a spell on me the day he came into my life and he continues to do so every day.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow.


He has me spellbound.

Sweet baby Fin and Me.

1 comment:

Ellen said...

I have never seen this blog before GG. It's beautiful. Thank you for posting it again. I didn't think there were any DOJ blogs I hadn't read. I was wrong.