Wednesday, April 25, 2012

My Discomfort Exposed

So last week I walked into the change room at my gym and WHOA!

A woman exposed from the waist down was bent over lotioning her legs, one foot placed on the bench seat.  Her white derriere was a like a blaring neon sign.  And to make it worse,  her neon white behind faced a very, very large mirror which reflected it back into the change room and into everyone else's poor unsuspecting eyes.

It could not be escaped.

Now. I realize I'm a modest gal...the type of girl that brings her towel, moisterizer and undergarments to the shower area fully dressed, hops into the shower - fully dressed - then throws her gym clothes in a bag through a very thin curtain opening...because there are no private change rooms.  (WTH?!) After my shower I scurry back towards my dark corner of the change room and dress under my towel so that no one else sees a glance of my hide  There's nothing wrong with my body. It is not perfect but it is in perfect working order.  I am in good shape because I work at it. I'm healthy and proud of what it's done.  It carried and nourished two beautiful, healthy, perfect babies.  I'm strong.  I can lift heavy weights, run, bike, carry both my boys at the same time.  (that's 70 plus lbs right there).  I have my 'things' my 'hang ups'...there are certain...areas I'm self conscious about and I really wish I wasn't but I don't think that's unusual.  I'm not a prude.  Just take my word for it.  And that is all I will say about that. ahem.  I believe all woman's bodies that are healthy are something to be respectfully admired...not ogled or jeered at.  And by healthy I'm not talking about a forced size 0 where all of one's skelebones are visible.  Or women that have dieted so much they look like bobble heads.  That's not hot.  (Here - have a burger.  With cheese. You are sadly missing out.) I just don't think it's necessary to stand, bent over at waist lathering body cream on your legs with your bare behind sticking out when the rest of your body is perfectly clothed.  Or hanging around with your (clothed) friends chatting about the weather. I can tell you right now lady.  It's cold outside.  Put some damn clothes on! I also don't get why one must stand buck nekkid brushing her hair when it's pretty clear to me (by a quick and dreadfully mistaken peep) you should be concentrating on the grooming of the other areas.  You get me?

 I will never, ever understand gratuitous nakedness. There is actually a family nudist resort not 15 minutes from where I live and every time I pass the sign for it on the highway I shake my head in disbelief.  A couples nudist resort is one thing...but a family nudist resort!!!  REALLY!??? Chunky, dimply naked baby bottoms are one thing but chunky dimply adult bottoms are a whole 'nother.  Combining all that chunky dimpliness in one place is just...too much chunky dimpliness.  And bums are not the worst thing to look at.  Human anatomy is full of floppy...areas.  And I speak not of just the backside of a middle aged woman's upper arm.  I have to admit that I'm a tad bit curious what kind of activities go on at a Family Nudist Resort.  I can see swimming and sunbathing but picturing a family game of shuffle board wearing nothing but your birthday suit?  It's just too much.  And what about meal times...uck.  I just lost my appetite. (and here is where all the weirdos come find my blog thanks to google)

Be naked all you want in your own home. Have at it.  Dance, do handstands, watch t.v. play tag, sing, cook,(actually please don't cook - that's just plain unsanitary) clean your whole house naked for all I care.

Just please ensure all blinds and curtains are closed.

Especially if you happen to be one of my neighbours.


Becoming Supermommy said...

I'm not a Google weirdo! Very funny. :)

Another reason not to cook naked- it's not safe!

I did it once. Just once. I had a tiny studio apartment with no air conditioning. It was the middle of summer. And in some kind of idiotic, heat fueled insanity, I decided to make fried green tomatoes. And while I was *frying tomatoes in oil* I knocked the pan over.

...splashing scalding hot oil all over my naked self.

Yup. Still scarred, eight years later.

Cooking naked is a universal NO.

Paige Kellerman said...

A resounding "no" to cooking naked..LOL I'm like you, I too dress under a towel and have never understood how people can walk around butt nekid in the locker room...yikes. Now that I've had twins, it'll never happen..ever ever and an extra ever. I don't want to be responsible for causing a public stampede from the building.

Stacey said...

Ha! You crack me up! (Although now that I think about it, maybe "crack" isn't the best word choice, heh, heh!) I will never understand people that act like that in locker rooms! On the cooking naked thing, safety is the biggest issue for me. Do you really want to be frying bacon in the nude?? You could sustain some serious injuries that way! Or maybe nudists don't eat bacon. You'll have to stop by the campground one day and ask. Ha! :-)

Kim S. said...

I'm with you. And it is especially awkward when everyone else is clothed. There was a girl on my dorm room floor who would always stand around in the bathroom after a shower with a towel on her head and nothing else, applying make up and chatting up uncomfortable bathroom goers. It was AWKWARD!

Anonymous said...

I see why people like to be naked, although I'm someone whose naked radius does not extend far from the bedroom/bathroom.

We start out adorable naked, but yeah, after a point the nakedness is in need of a fig leaf or two!

Kelley said...

Haha!! I'm so with you on that one! I am really modest at the gym, too, and totally DO NOT GET naked women just walking around for all to see. Craziness! (Thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny!)