Monday, March 5, 2012

When they make it hard to love them...

Before 9 a.m. my eldest had pushed, prodded, needled and stomped on every single button I had.

Because he refused to get dressed and I refused to be held captive in my own home I left him in his pj's and we were off to the gym where I could get a break from Mothering for a while and he could run off his energy that knows no bounds.

I took the entire 2 hours.  Oh yes I did.  I showered, I put make up on, I even blow dried my hair straight.

And there we were again.  2 year old in tears because he couldn't get his boots on by himself yet refused my help and my 4 year old insisting in not so many words that he was dying of hunger.

We arrived home and the dramatics continued.

And I threw food at them like I was tossing meat at starving lions restlessly pacing the entrance of their cave.

Between bites of some food and refusing other foods the tears wore on.

And on.

Even music wouldn't bring them back from their misery.

As I was finishing up in the kitchen Adrian climbed up on the counter and rummaged through the cupboards retrieving a long lost small bag of sugary fruit snacks.

"No Adrian, your behaviour today has not warranted a treat at this moment.  If you continue good behaviour this afternoon you can have them after dinner."

Well, that did it. Out came his foot and off went the hand soap from the sink and the empty plastic milk jug from my hands.

Then off he came from the counter as I tore those candies from his hand and ripped them open, dumping them all in the food compost.

Probably not the best mothering tactic but I'd had it UP TO THERE.

He screamed, he cried, he fell to the floor, he vibrated, he yelled at me 'DON'T DO THAT!!!'over and over and over again as I told him loudly, "You don't hit or kick Adrian Thomas!!!"

Finley, little sensitive soul that he is, came over with tears beginning from all the commotion.

In defeat I turned around with the tug of his little hand on my pant leg and my back slid down the cupboard doors.  He crawled into my lap as my other son railed on beside me in the corner of the kitchen.  I was near tears as I heard the song playing in the background.

Somehow I heard the lyrics over the cacophony of my surroundings.

The words of the song almost made smile in irony....almost.

Tears dropped instead.

"It's not hard for me to love you
No it's not a difficult thing

It's not hard for me to love you
Because you are the world to me..."

The intensity of my son's tantrum seemed to quickly cease as I pulled him up beside me, planting kiss after kiss atop his soft curls and told him that I loved him.

And there we sat, a pitiful bunch.  All with tears in our child's head laid upon my shoulder, the other's upon my chest.  My arms around both my sons as we sat in the corner of our small kitchen, staring forlornly at the oven door in front of us.  Pitiful indeed.

At that moment I realized something.  Something I'll make sure to never forget.

The moments when they make it the hardest to love them are the moments we should say those words the loudest of all.  


Anna @mommy_padawan said...

Oh my gosh, I love this post so much. I only have one at home (going through the terrible 3's) but I feel like this is what I go through a lot of days as well. And you are absolutely right, those are the moments when they need the tenderness, kisses and to know they are loved the most. Thank you for this reminder today!

Natalie said...

I have a 4 year old - and you could be writing my story.... oh some days are so hard.... SO...SO...HARD! My 7 year old and 2 year old are angels - truely... but that red headed 4 year old is hard work. Some days I cant cope, others - I reach out and love her and the atmoshphere changes - then she is wonderful the rest of the day. She knows i love her - some days tho - really hard to like her - and that is ok Nat

Kerstin @ AUER LIFE said...

I've definitely been there... I always blamed it on the moon :)

Mel said...

Some days it's so hard to be right there in it. That's always when I know we need to take a step back and, just like you say, focus on loving one another and let the rest work itself out.

Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy said...

Oh, my...that last line. Oh, it gave me chills. Beautiful. Beautifully said.

Kristin said...

This could have been a scene from my own life last year...or was that last week? So true - about saying I love you loudest when it is the most difficult.

Wonderful wonderful wonderful.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Oh I can absolutely relate. I've had many of these "difficult to love them" moments. Motherhood is a tough but rewarding gig, isn't it?

Brandy @ Momwich said...

Oh I love this post so much, and you know what, even with my oldest being 16 this caused me to relive those tantrum moments where it feels like it would never end.

On a side note, I was the director of a health club for a while at a local hospital, I encouraged the moms to leave their kids long enough to take a slow, hot shower, blow dry, make up, and stop by the smoothie bar too - we just NEED those breaks, you know?

Lenore Diane said...

How many times have I experienced something similar? I dare not count. Tonight I had a tussle with my 7yr old. I finally asked him to go walk around the cul-de-sac until was calm enough to come back inside and apologize for being disrespectful. When he came back inside, he offered the sweetest apology while crying. He and I hugged for the longest time. Oh how I love my two boys.

This post was excellent, January!

Leighannn said...

Oh this is gorgeous! You are so right!
Wonderful message, we really should be saying it loud when we are most angry.

Shannon from mynewfavoriteday said...

Oh Mama, I want to give you a big hug and say, yes, yes yes. It's so hard and those days are the most challenging and me and my minis have all been in various parts of the house on the floor nearly in tears for so many reasons. The more independence the more challenges. It's the people that make your temperature rise and your heart beat fast in any emotion that we love the most. And sometimes loving them with all your might is the only thing that makes everything sane:) Such a great and beautiful post January, thank you for sharing.

Kim said...

Oh lord can I relate to this. To feeling FED UP TO HERE and still somewhere inside some sympathy for what it must be like to be small and have not control over anything and be told "no." I've been a pile of tears on the floor with my little one, and the "make up cuddles" are some of the most tender times. Great post!

Stacey said...

Ahhhh...this sounds like my yesterday. I love the way you wrote this - so relatable. And you are absolutely correct - those are times to show our love for them all the more. Great post, January.

Miranda said...

"The moments when they make it the hardest to love them are the moments we should say those words the loudest of all."

This is so wonderfully stated. I'm not a parent yet, but hope that I will live by this during those hard moments.

Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms said...

I have been in your exact place except with two girls. The oldest, a tantrum maniac, the youngest, very sensitive to it all. I always felt so conflicted with my oldest because you are always told to ignore a behavior to extinguish it.
Well, my oldest is now 13 and ignoring her NEVER worked. She would get out of control and it would take fireworks to bring her back.
Now that she is articulate and still loses control of her emotions especially with puberty, she tells me she needs the "figurative shaking" to get grounded again.
So stay strong. I firmly believe that my standing strong against her tantrums has given us a better basis in her teen years. And we say "I love you" often and emphatically in this house. Even at the height of turmoil.
Stay strong. Ellen

Susan said...

I am so on board with this; I had almost the exact same experience today with my toddler. Must be a full moon, right? And somehow that moment when they climb into your lap and snuggle make it all worth it... glad you got through it and wishing you fewer of these days in the future!

Anonymous said...


~The G is Silent

christina said...

thank you so much for the honesty. this here, this is real and good and spot on.

Heidi said...

So beautiful. I can completely relate to this and yes, yes to this "The moments when they make it the hardest to love them are the moments we should say those words the loudest of all."

Jamie said...

I really dislike days like this They are hard on our souls. We know what we SHOULD be doing but they make it so damn hard. Glad you came around when it counted!

Jenn and Casey said...

Very beautiful. And I agree. The hard times is when we must scream I LOVE YOU. Thanks for sharing.