A week full of bronchitis, tantrums, flu, computers that won't work, ipods that won't charge, music that won't play (daily dance off's are a way of life here), a runaway dog (don't worry, she came back), too much crap to clean up between the kids and the dog, missing Daddy cries, missing husband cries, angry at Daddy cries, angry at husband cries and all the chaos in between.
There ain't enough
There've been moments where I've succumbed to a new Mommy low, yelling at my child for asking for a glass of juice, as I'm curled in the fetal position trying not to hurl all over him.
Or losing one son in the doctor's office...then yelling at him upon him turning up.
Or almost losing them both at Chapters as they ran in opposite directions while I was in a busy line up trying to purchase books for them. See what an awesome Mother I can be!??
(Never mind the 'looks' I got...FYI - 'LOOKS' DON'T HELP PEOPLE! When you see a Mother flailing help a Mother out for the love of God and her sanity!)
Only for them to get in all out WWF fight ending up in teeth marks and me
As I dramatically threw the books down on the counter and
Yes, there was a moment I closed the doors to the truck as they lost their minds on the inside and I stood on the outside of the truck trying so hard (SO HARD!) not to completely lose mine.
Because if you can't already tell....my mind was already half gone.
Believe it or not...somehow moments as nightmarish as that can get turned on a dime.
And between all of the ugly chaos there comes some wonderful chaos too.
Like when Adrian forgives me for yelling at him like a monster as he plays with my hair and says, "I forgive you, beautiful Mommy....do you forgive me?"
Oh my heart. It may have broke just a little bit when he said those words.
Or when my eldest comes over to me with his doctor's kit to 'give me a check up', as I lay wrapped, achy and shivery with a blanket wrapped around me on the couch. (is that a pitiful enough description for you to feel so sorry for me?).
Or when we have an impulsive trip to the ice cream store just because. Even though it's cold, rainy and dark.
Or when they both want to sit on my lap (a whole combined 76 lbs of them) as I read to them in Chapters...all 10 superhero books that they've picked out.
Or trips to the park at dusk...crossing the field, watching the sunset, my boys picking me flowers...what's left of them.
Or when my boys hug and kiss and tell each other they love one another every night....after jumping like maniacal monkeys on the bed, clotheslining each other, their stuffed animals, the dog and me.
And then moments like now....when they both lie sleeping in their beds in the middle of the afternoon and I'm surrounded by mess and dishes. But I do not care.
This is a rare moment to revel in.
Quiet in the middle of the afternoon.
Good news also is;
The internet guy is coming tomorrow (sometime, conveniently, between 12 and 6) to fix 'our line' (whatever that means) according to the nice woman that helped me over the phone today. I'm sure he'll start trying to tell me, in what sounds like swahili, what's wrong and I'll stand there looking like an idiot. Because I'm clueless when it comes to technology. Of any kind. (this is partly why I resent my husband leaving us for long periods of time.)
And my baby boy seems to be on the mend from his bronchitis. (though still cranky and crying for his Daddy all hours of the day).
I did end up making it through the week-end, thankful for my dear Dad who came to my rescue as always and took care of my boys ALL DAY when I could barely get out of bed.
This is no easy task for a anyone not used to taking care of little ones on a regular basis. The care included taking them to the park (and the dog - that's who she ran away to be with, she clearly didn't want to be around wretched diseasy me, so no hard feelings there, old girl), feeding them meals and snacks, doing dishes, cleaning up, playing with them, giving them baths, brushing teeth and adorably reading bed time stories.
That's my Dad. What would I do without him?
Bad news is we still do not have a charged ipod therefore our dance off's will be over held until I can get some assistance from my husband who's only on the other side of the globe on opposite time zones, hours and seasons.
I may have to drag out our ghetto blaster that's...well, pretty ghetto....and sounds horrible but...plays music.
I may still have to deal with the tantrums, the cries for daddy, the cleaning up of the crap and everything else but I'm hoping that I'll meet the other end smiling.
If only to see my dear jet lagged husband walk through that door.
I may also hear angels singing and harps playing when that happens.
That's how happy I'll be.
Just like my smile.