Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Small Window to our World

I am about to let you all take a peak into the wacky world of me and my best friend.  We've been best friends for over 16 years, know pretty much everything there is to know about one another and could not be more different...except for our sense of humour.

We don't talk as often as we both wish to.  Frankly it's impossible to have any kind of conversation with two rambunctious boys jumping, yelling and causing havoc around me.  By the time they crash at night I am ready to curl up into a fetal position and start rocking back and forth.

Here is a typical text message conversation between Erin and me.


E: There is this major kid's attraction here called Richmond Farms and they have an annual Pumpkin patch thingy....with all these mascots walking around.  There is a fuzzy pumpkin mascot...etc...and there's this gigantic corn thing called Corny-Corn-Corn (for real) and it is the freakin' scariest thing I have ever seen.

J:  Really?  The Corny-Corn-Corn?  That's original.  Btw...why are you at a giant kid's attraction?

E:  Don't be so nosy.  There are may reasons I could be here.  You don't need to have kid's to have fun, you know.
Maybe I am scoping it out for my niece.
Maybe I am here buying a pumpkin.
Maybe I'm hanging out here to see if I could actually handle having children - you know, like field research.

And then she sends me this picture:

J: Just a suggestion...a fall fair is NOT the best place to be doing "field research" especially when it comes to figuring out if you want children.  The outcome will most definitely be skewed more toward the  negative axis.

E:  Did you SEE that corn!?!?!  WTF!?!?!

J:  Uh. The strawberry is far more frightening in my opinion.
IS that a strawberry?  And why do they have ginormous fruit at a fall festival?!!  Is that an orange or a a pumpkin?

E:  I think it's a pumpkin.  It looks more like a stunted carrot.  The strawberry looks like it's on a bad acid trip.

J:  Yeah.  I think someone in the costumes department needs to get fired.  

Iiii know!  (regarding the strawberry) Those EYES.  Freaky.

E:  But the scariest part about the Corny-Corn-Corn is the way it walks.  It kind of just sways around and waves its arms up and down at different a corn-zombie.

J:  Is it blind?  What's with the sunglasses?

E:  Couple that with a baby-corn phobia (we both have them - that's why we're best friends you see) and the whole situation is giving my clown fear a run for its money.

J:  {ROTFL emoticon}


J:  WHAT?!

What are they!???

Endless black holes for eyes?!!  WTF!?

E:  That's what I mean!!! His pupils are THAT big.  Why do you need pupils that big if for no other reason that to stare directly into my soul?

J:  I totally get it now!  (the irrational fear of the Corny-Corn-Corn)

E:  I'm considering starting a blog about freaky shit like this.  And how it hampers any wish for offspring.

J:  You totally should.


Don't you think she totally should?  I mean, it's not like we need anymore kids in this world right?

1 comment:

A Morning Grouch said...

Corn eyes that stare into your soul. Eek! Makes me think of the Corn Palace in South Dakota. Check it out....though it might freak you out (they also have a corn masocot....named "Cornelius".