Wednesday, September 21, 2011

$#!^ his Dad Said

*Warning - rated R for adult language content*

I want to make something clear before I tell this story.  My husband and I are not big swearers.

A small profanity might slip out once in a while in front of the boys.  In fact you may have noticed I also don't swear almost at all on my blog.  I have nothing against it.  I just don't feel it's necessary most of the time. In real life if I feel like I'm going to swear I'm one of those annoying people that says, "OH sugar!"

Yeah.  I'm a badass.

Any time our eldest has ever sworn (I can recall maybe twice) I've never made a big deal of it.

Because as we all know that just encourages the potty mouth.

Don't give the word power.  Blah blah.  Blah.

This particular day my husband was working from home.

The internet connection at our household has been acting up, going in and out and shutting right down on us at times.

The internet is key for my husband's job as he works from his computer (as most people do these days).  As anyone knows who has a computer or relies on the internet for anything (at all) when things aren't working properly it can make one very angry.

Understandably so.  Especially when it has to do with your job.

Anyway.  Back at the kitchen table the boys and I were enjoying some Cheerios and milk.

Innocently slurping away when...

"FUCKENPEICEOFGODDAMNSHIT!!!!!!!!" was bellowed from down.below.

My husband has a very distinct voice that carries at any normal level but this.

This was intense.

Clearly, he was having a bad morning.

So I ignored it and we kept on slurping away.

It was quiet for a moment.

And then.

This sweet little voice spoke up and says oh so seriously,

"Mumma, we don't say fucken."

I threw my head down on on the kitchen table, shielding it with my arms.

I know it's so very, very wrong when a child swears but some disturbed part of me thinks it's also really, really funny.

"Mumma, why are you laughing?"

"I'm not laughing.  I'm crying because you said a bad word...and that makes me so sad."  I'm sure he didn't hear much but muffled sounds between my really bad fake crying.

And so much for not making a big deal about swear words.

"But Mumma.  Daddy just said fucken.  We don't say that word."

Oh. My. God.  Why couldn't I stop laughing!  What was wrong with me!??

I finally collected myself, lifted my head with a forced frown and said,

"You're right.  You need to tell Daddy he's in big trouble."

'Cause there was no way I was going near the Dragon's Lair.

Fuck that shit.


signingcharity said...

We are not swearers either, but I just had to put my head down on the keyboard to laugh at your story!

Erin said...

Best fu*#kin' blog of yours to date. Hands down.

Lisa said...

I swear like it's my job. Seriously. I know I will laugh my ass off when PJ swears.

jacqui said...

For a family who doesn't say that word...there sure was a lot of it being said. I would've laughed too!

Tanya said...

Bahahahahahahahah...I bet you knew you'd get that outta me...I'm sooo screwed...! LMAO!!

Laura {A(n) (un)Common Family} said...

LOVE it! It's so hard not to laugh. I'd have wondered about if you if hadn't. :)

Hubs and I have potty mouths. After the kids, we started spelling. (Pathetic, right?) He just realized the other day that our oldest (4.5) is starting to learn to spell. We're in trouble!

Shell said...

I would have cracked up, too!

TigerEyes2001 said...

WOW! That's seriously the funniest thing I've read on a blog! That's HILARIOUS!!!
Hi! New follower from FNF blog hop! Hope you'll follow back! Thanks! Through the Eyes of a Tiger

corabeth said...

That is so funny!!! My daughter did the SAME thing one day when I accidentally said the word shit!

New follower from Finding New Friends blog hop! Hoping you follow back!! =0)

My Crazy Life

Amber_D said...

I can't help, but laugh too! It makes it so much worse, but I can't stop myself.
I have a terrible potty mouth and so does my husband. So, unfortunately this happens far too often at our house.

Chloe said...

Too funny!

I'm a new follower from the FNF hop. Hope you can stop by

Stacey said...

So, so funny!!!