Thursday, June 2, 2011

You Are Not Welcome in My House

Awoken by shrill screams I jumped out of my bed and stumbled my way into the hallway flicking on the light.

Just as I was about to reach for the door knob of my youngest son's room a sound very similar to one my 19 month old baby was making arose in my throat.

There on the door at eye level was a spider.

Now, I'm not one to be afraid of much really (well, except bumblebees) and spiders I can handle.

Small spiders that is.

The diameter of this spider was about a quarter of the size of my palm (and I do not have small hands) including the long, spindly, creepy legs.

Only one thought ran through my head.

It must die.

I ran into the bathroom and grabbed the only things my sleep muddled mind could think of to get rid of the trespassing arachnid.

An empty paper towel roll and a baby wipe.

I ran back to the door of son's room (who was still screaming) and let out a yelp this time.

There were now two.

The other one seemed to have materialized out of nowhere in the 2 seconds it took to grab my weapons.

And it was the same size!

I squished them both without a second maternal instinct to get to my crying baby filling me up with an intense sense of urgency.

After disposing of the evidence, I opened the door to find Finley standing up in his crib wailing to the Gods completely oblivious to the massacre that had just happened outside his bedroom door.

I popped his soother in and picked him up for a quick cuddle.  After he'd calmed down down I placed him back into his crib and left his room.

Returning back to my bedroom I spied just above my bedroom door another one of the 8 legged critters and started to freak out wondering just how many spider families were living in my house.  As the spider was out of reach and was much, much smaller than the ones I'd just assassinated, I continued my way back to bed.

My husband is always saying "Spiders are good to have in the house.  They kill all the other bugs."

While this may be true, I don't know too many other insects I'd rather NOT have in my house than spiders.

About 10 years ago I woke up with what looked like the measles all over my abdomen and back.  They were itchy and painful at the same time.  I figured this must have been a spider that got stuck under my shirt while I slept, oblivious of an insect using me as a smorgasbord.  Therein lies the reason for my serious dislike of the creatures.  Especially anywhere near where I lay my head down to sleep.

And so, I tossed and turned thinking of that itsy bitsy spider sitting just outside my bedroom door.

I scratched and itched feeling invisible bugs violating me.

Similar to the spider in my dream.
Just change the grin to a grimace.
I dreamt of trying to kill a massive tarantula sized spider that would not die and was squealing pitifully at me with strange googly eyes (you know like the craft ones used to make pet rocks and such).  As silly as that dream sounds it was awfully unsettling.  You know the ones.  You're terrified in your dream but then when you actually explain it to someone they laugh and you realize how ridiculous you sound...even though it doesn't make it any less disturbing in your mind.

(You totally know what I'm talking about....right?!)

About an hour and a half later of restless sleep I got out of bed, located my 3 year old son's step stool and squished that spider that still happened to be sitting in the same spot as before.

This unfortunately did not alleviate my nightmares of finding massive spiders all over my house and even today I find myself looking, glancing, peering everywhere for more of the menacing insects but alas have found none.

So I did a bit of research and found that they are nocturnal which would explain the spider party happening at 1 am outside our bedroom doors.

Listen here creepy crawlies, I'm warning 3 year old son might think he's Spider-Man but that does not mean you can take up residence here in MY home in vast quantities (meaning more than 1).

So beware bugs!  These parties will be tolerated no more!


Anonymous said...

And now I'm a little freaked out, thinking that a spider is going to get me.

Anonymous said...

OMG--my skin is crawling. I would have totally freaked out. Might have made the husband get out of bed to deal with them.

Amber_D said...

I think the bugs are rising up. This story convinces me further after my recent run in with a tick.

Thank God you didn't put your hand on that spider unknowingly. Can you imagine?

January Dawn said...

I'm sorry to have freaked you all out!

@Amber - you are right about the's Spring time after all and to be expected I guess. Your post about the tic...freaked me out and cracked me up at the same time.