Saturday, March 5, 2011

What!?? Marriage isn't Glamorous!??

"No one ever told me that marriage wasn't glamorous!"

I won't mention names but that was the start of a phone conversation I had with .... someone .... who I love dearly.  Who was just recently wed.

I'll leave it at that.

No, glamour would be the last word to describe marriage to be sure.

There's nothing glamorous about someone who sees you first thing in the morning.  Stinky breath, messy hair with sheet wrinkles embedded on your makeup-less face.  Nothing glamorous about that at all.  I scoff at the movies and shows that portray the woman walking around in her husbands white button up shirt looking all perfectly dishevelled with damp hair and make up on.

In a more realistic scenario we would have NO make up on and we're wearing baggy pajama pants with one of our husbands extra large t-shirts on from university.  Yes, university.  My husband is going to be 38 this month and still has clothes from when he was in UNIVERSITY!  What is up with that?!

But I benefit from it.  The t-shirts are very comfortable.

Marriage is a lot of things...but glamourous would not be one of the words to describe it.  Not that I'm some expert in the area of marriage.  I've been married for all of
4.75 years. (we've been together for 11 though - that should count for something!) But I hope that it's the one thing I succeed at besides being a good Mother.

My Dad's parents were married for over 55 years.  Seriously.  55 YEARS.  And happily!  That's what I call successful.

Being in a good marriage is awesome.  It's having your best buddy there to root you on, to give you a different perspective on things, to lighten your load in life.

I love being married but most importantly I love being married to John.  In my humble opinion the most important thing in life if you choose to get married is to marry well.  In that, I mean, marrying someone who matches your ideals, your morals, your values and your outlook on life.  I think I did pretty good.

In my last year of high school we had to submit our "goals" in life along with our graduation picture.

I didn't think much about it.  I simply wrote something like "Marry a rich guy and have his babies".  I was, of-course, being sarcastic.  I had no clue what I wanted at the age of 18.  None whatsoever.  So that was the only thing I could come up with.  Now, looking back, I suppose I knew somewhere deep in my subconscious that I wanted to get married and have children.

But if anyone truly knows me they know that I'm the least materialistic, gold digging person around, so the rich part was all for jokes.  I grew up with enough and that's all I aimed for.  Does that sound less than ideal?  I suppose.  However, enough for me is knowing I have family that loves me and a decent roof over my head.

I got more than "enough" though.  I married a phenomenal man who provides for his family.  Emotionally, physically and monetarily (although we certainly aren't considered "rich" in the traditional sense of the word) and I get to stay home with my babies which is all I ever wanted.   I knew from a young age that if I were lucky enough to become a mother that I wanted to stay home with them for as long as I could.  I've fulfilled that wish so far.  I'm very grateful.

So, no, marriage is not glamorous.  In fact it can be a lot of anything but.  Throw children in the mix and well.....if you've ever seen a live birth, you know there's nothing glamorous about that!

But it's all beautiful.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  The ups, the downs and the in betweens when you're so bored you could run screaming from your house.  The in love, the out of love, the just plain loving.  The not necessarily loving everything about your husband or wife because, really, that's a lot to live up to.

There are lots of things my husband loves about me (I hope) but I'm sure it's not the fact that I occasionally stuff the garbage so full it's next to impossible to close the lid and my bad moods that are difficult to get me out of...and I love my husband to death but I don't love that he tends to hog the t.v. remote and leaves his clothes everywhere but in the hamper...(what?  your husband too?!)

It's about loving that person enough that you know you want to commit to spend the rest of your life together.

And compromise.  Compromise is HUGE.

That's really what marriage is all about.

To me anyway.


Ellen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ellen said...

Well GG. You have always been hugely successful at whatever you set your mind on. The most amazing thing about you though, is that you kept it simple and mainly strove for personal fitness and health, being happily married and staying home and raising your babies. I would say that you have always been head and shoulders above most women in that you have never strayed from those goals from a very young age until today. Continue doing what your doing....just pack the garbage bag less full, buy your own TV and pick up John's clothes. Or you can take the garbage out and he can do the laundry. Now that's compromise. :)

Perfect Dad said...

One very wise thing I've heard, and it's something that I take to heart in all negotiations, is that compromise is bad. If two people compromise, that means neither gets what they want!

My wife and I almost always want the same thing, or at least we can end up that way by the end of a discussion. Compromise is the last thing we do. One example is: Since, we both don't like all the same things then if Mom wants to do something she gets Monday and Wednesday and similarly Dad gets Tuesday and Thursday. Those are the days that mom or dad can force their agenda, or do an activity on their own if they want -- like an Ed Psych course for her or an Aikido class for me. But most of the time we do things together.