Know This

Of-course the question is always at the back of my mind, when are my sons' going to stop giving me kisses and snuggles.  When will they begin to cringe outwardly and roll their eyes when I call them sweetie pie, honey bear or lovey.  When will they simply be too big, too old to want to cuddle with me...when will that last snuggle on the couch be?  When will I no longer be required for night time back tickles?  I know that day will come too soon.  And it brings an intense ache to my heart when these thoughts creep in at the most random moments...those are the times I swoop in and bury my face into their soft necks and smoochsmoochsmooch their delicious still slightly chubby cheeks.

But then I was witness to three different Mother-Son scenes in 2 days that made me almost weepy with relief.

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"Thanks Mom.  I'll talk to you later."

"You're welcome sweetie pie.  I love you."

She called her forty something son, father of three, sweetie pie.  Oh yes she did.

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"Good morning sweetheart." She says as she walks toward him sitting at the kitchen table.  She leans down to give him a kiss on the cheek and sets a tea on the table next to him.  He looks up at his Mother with respect and love.

She was still taking care of her son and with a sweet kiss to the cheek to boot.  Her son that is a grown married man.

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She walks up to her son and grabs his face playfully between her loving Mother-Hands.  She leans in for a smacking good kiss, then moves beside him giving him an enthusiastic side hug.  She looks up at his smiling face with so.much.love.  So.much.pride.

She is beaming beside her son.  Her twenty something year old son that just became engaged, his fiance standing at his other side.

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These three scenes I watched very closely with light and hope in my heart.  These three scenes meant that the love, the affection...it doesn't just end one day.  It simply evolves into something else. Just because my sons' will eventually begin to have deepening voices, whiskers on their once baby soft cheeks and hands larger than mine that I once easily enveloped doesn't mean that they'll no longer be my babies.  It doesn't mean that I won't be able to give them a spontaneous hug or call them honey bear.  Or tell them I love them to the moon and back.  (Okay, okay. I'll save that one for their birthday cards).  I certainly won't be climbing into my sons' windows when they're grown men in the middle of the night and begin rocking them a la "Love You Forever".  But I get that message from the famous Robert Munsch book...I get it.  It's a book I can never, ever get through when I occasionally feel brave enough to read it to my boys. I become a sobbing, red faced mess. Much to my husband's entertainment.  He enjoys sitting outside the room where I can't see him choking back the laughter while I'm choking back tears.

I'll love you forever

I'll like you for always

As long as I'm living

My babies you'll be

(Just writing that paragraph gives me a lump in my throat)

So my dear boys, loves of my life, lights of my heart.  This is fair warning for you.  Be prepared for your Mother to love you more and more as the years go passed.  And to continue giving you affection and possibly embarrass you more than a few times by calling you honey love and sweet pea for years and years to come.

Because my love for you will just deepen as the years go by.  Just know that my loves.  Know that.

House Rules

I keep seeing these lovely posters with a bunch of awesomeness on them for rules of people's homes.  I'd like to take that a step further and do my own...because I'm obsessed with Pinterest which makes me think that when I pin things I magically believe I can do them and therefore I'm a crafty genius.  I am not.  However.  If I were a crafty genious and if I knew how to do something like that, this is what I would put on our House Rules poster (this was REALLY fun!):

On Having Babies: By Adrian

Adrian, "When are we going to have another baby Mumma?"  I'd like to point out and ask WHY males insist on saying 'we' when referring to having babies.

Me, "Uhhmm.  Never."  (I know, I know.  Never say never.  But really?  Neh-ver.)

Adrian, "I think we will have another baby."

Me, "Oh you do, do you?"

Adrian, "Yep.  You just have to lay an egg Mumma."

Watch out JK - here comes Adrian!

I've recently found out - as in just yesterday - there is more than one writer in the family.  My husband being the other one and I had NO idea. He captured our eldest son, Adrian's, first day of Junior Kindergarten perfectly.  So perfectly that I'm quite sure I couldn't top it.  So perfectly in fact that it brought tears to my eyes and that's saying something...seeing as I didn't well up once as I waved good-bye to my sweet son on his first day.  It's upon reflection, I suppose, that emotions will get you in the belly of your heart and soul.  And my husband's reflection upon our first born's first day of school did just that.   This is an email he sent to the grandparents, aunts and uncles...but I just had to share with the world.

Now.  Get out a tissue.  Or three.

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It was a very exciting day today, as Adrian prepared for his FIRST day of school. 

I peeked into his room the first moment I heard the rustling of his bed sheets. As January puts it, he needs a little "hatching time" before you can really start talking to him in the morning, so I only whispered "Good morning buddy. Do you know what today is?" And with a biiiiiig stretch and soft smile he whispered back "School Daddy".

After a few more minutes he made his way down to about the third of fourth step of the stairs where he often sits to survey the kitchen conversations through the ballisters of the railing. Fin and I were sitting and chatting,  he with his ...of course, Cheerios and me with my cup of coffee. "Hey Adrian, what can I get you for breakfast?" In his still raspy morning voice he replied "Waffles Daddy, I'd like waffles!" Allllright...I look for waffles...Damn, NO waffles. Now normally this could be a bit of an issue when Adrian has his mind set on something to eat and we don't have it, but not today thank God. "Ok...hmmmm, how about a bagel, toasted with cream cheese Daddy?" "No problem little buddy, come sit down." After a glass of OJ and three bites of his freshly toasted bagel, he could no longer control his enthusiasm and off he went up the stairs to put on his new school clothes...BTW, it's not even 7:30am yet.

To start off the school year, Aidy decided to go with a navy blue polo, navy blue shorts and yes, NAVY socks as well!! Cute as can be. As he dressed himself he was all smiles and showed nary a hint of hesitation toward this big day that lay ahead. Fin seemed to be the most emotional, not wanting to lose his best playing partner, (followed closely by his Daddy) and could be heard several times saying "I don't want Adrian to go to school today!". 

Mom and Dad were well prepared for Adrian's first day, armed with TWO video recorders, TWO mobile cameras and our point and shoot Lumix, all fully charged and ready to catch every moment of his morning. (*ahem* this is January here...if it were up to me I'd have brought the Lumix.  And that's it.  My husband's ' eager over preparedness' was a bit much and he caught me *lovingly* rolling my eyes at him a few times...but truth be told it was pretty darn precious.)

Time to go! So off we went, out the door and down the street walking hand in hand, in hand .... in hand, leaving poor Riley behind, tail wagging at the front door. I couldn't help feel a little reminiscent of my early days on Alexander St. as I walked about the same distance to St, Michael's Junior School for my first day with (shudder) Mrs. Plummer...

We walked all of 10 steps together before Aidy and Fin decided to break free, race ahead of us and enjoy a little game of cat and mouse together. 

Upon our arrival, it was a hornet's nest of frenzy with boys and girls of all ages arriving by foot, bus and car. Many starting their first day as well, doting parents following closely behind. It was then that I noticed I may have gone a little overboard as I witnessed most parents snapping off a few pics of their waving kiddies from their cell phones, while I looked like the Paparazzi stalking Hollywood celebs, with camera gear hanging off every limb!  (Hello. January again...this is all too true and more than slightly embarrassing...but still...very precious)

January spotted Aidy's teacher in the small fenced in JK play area and it was time for Adrian to go...but not before one last hug 'n a kiss for Mommy, Daddy and Fin. Adrian quickly found his buddy Jonathan (our neighbor) and after a brief mingling with his new class mates they were instructed to line up on the big spray painted snake before going inside. Aidy, of course, was first in line staring straight into his new teacher's eyes, listening to her every word. After two or three preemptive starts, Adrian was finally given the go ahead, and off he marched toward the doors of the school. I called out his name one last time and he turned only giving a half wave...and like that, he was gone. Nothing but the faint whisper of children's laughter as they disappeared into the florescent lit corridors.

I can't wait to see him when I get home to hear all about the adventures of his first day...

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I know.  I warned you guys.  Tissues were necessary.  Adrian did not just like his first day of school...he told me he LOVED it and even made a new friend.  I, of-course, hung around to talk to the teacher to get some feedback and she said he did great.   He got to put lots and lots of marbles in the bucket for being a good helper and helping clean up the toys.  The school  operates on a bucket filling system which I think is super awesome.  

John and I truly couldn't be more proud of our little JK'er.

Way to go buddy!!!

Cool dude.

It wouldn't be a true Adrian photo op without the
Spidey pose.

Proud Daddy.  Oh so proud.

It looks like a painful 'Cheese' moment.

We told Fin to scoot over to his brother but he refused.
So Aidy did was he does best...scootched over and right on
into his little brother's very important, private personal space.

With his apple.  The child loves his apples.
"Mummy, teachers always have apples on their desks."
I wonder if he even noticed that his teacher doesn't have a desk?

There's Paparazzo Daddy.  Filmed the entire walk to school.
Oh yes he did.

Lining up on the snake.  Note he's first in line.
*sniff* so proud.

There he goes!  With a small wave to Mummy and Daddy through the gate.

Can someone please hand me another tissue now????

It's OK

We all sat in a large circle in the lovely home of my friend's Mother.  There were many generations of women and a couple of adorable baby boys.  We were all here for one very special reason.  To shower the Mother to be and her soon to be born baby boy with gifts of love.

I saw some women that I hadn't seen in a while.  Most of them now Mother's themselves.  It was a wonderful time as we watched the radiant expectant Mother who happens to be one of my oldest and dearest friends open up presents. In between the oohing and ahhing, we gossiped, bragged about our babies, kvetched (can I say kvetch even if I'm not Jewish?  Because I really, really love that word.) about our Mom bodies, discussed in probably far too much detail as all Mothers do about our births, traded information about cool baby items that we used and couldn't live without.  We bonded as Mothers.

I observed a good friend of mine's tears of pure joy as she held her best friend's baby and wished I could be so openly emotional.  I'd had that moment on the way to the baby shower while listening to a sappy song.  There's something about already being a Mother and knowing the Big Love that comes with it.  The realization that a wonderful friend will be bestowed with the biggest blessing in the world very soon is moving.  Babies as it turns out...are kind of a big deal.

I realized on my way home from the shower that I'd forgotten to sign the booklet with my name, address and words of wisdom for the Mother to be.  I wondered what words I would impart to my good friend about Motherhood.  After all...I'm fairly new to the club.  I've only been doing this Motherhood gig for just over 4.5 years now and quite honestly...I'm wingin' it as I go.  Could I say that?  'Just wing it?'  Those aren't especially great words of wisdom.    'Call me.  (if you need to vent, talk, cry)'?  But I know she's probably going to do that a lot anyway.  'Don't sweat the small stuff'...I could tell her that...but what does that even mean anyway?  You could tell a new Mother not to sweat the small stuff until you're blue in the face and chances are...she's still going to sweat the small stuff.  And the big stuff.  And all the in between stuff.  It's what Mother's do.

Nope.  None of those words of advice were worthy or even good.  So instead I decided to compile of a list of "It's O.K.'s" because nothing makes a new Mother (or even another Mother) feel better than when you hear them say they've been there, done that, it's all going to be okay.

Here goes...

1.  It's okay to let your baby sleep on your chest all snuggly warm and scrumptious while watching daytime t.v. for hours at a time.  In your p.j.'s. While eating Nutella from the jar. (or if you're a salt lover, Cheetos) I mean...as long as your not doing this EVERYDAY for weeks straight...enjoy, revel, bask.  Because sooner than you think that little bugger is going to be demanding Treehouse and sayonara Live with Kelly and whoever his name is now.  You're screwed out of watching anything other than Dora the Explorer, Fireman Sam, Caillou and Max and Ruby.  You may actually begin to question things like why does Dora always forgive that jerk Swiper and why is she so damn LOUD?  And why is Caillou bald and why don't his parents ever get pissed off at that little brat?  And where the hell are Max and Ruby's parents?

2.  It's okay to want to do the dishes when your husband gets home rather than hang out with your baby.  You've been with the child all the live long day and chances are he or she's been hangin' off your boob most of it.  Sometimes doing the dishes is a great respite.  Your husband on the other hand will think he's being husband of the year because he's doing the dishes so just quietly hand him your sweet chubkins and take over.

3.  It's okay if you feel like a disgusting, leaky, stinky blob of a person.  You have liquids coming from every orphus of your being.  And you probably haven't showered in a few days.  And you just had a baby.  It's totally normal.

4.  It's okay if you feel like popping your husband in the nose sometimes.  For no reason.  Or for many reasons. Just don't actually do it.

5.  It's okay to cry, cry and cry some more.  You probably will be an emotional catastrophe for the first few weeks and the tears will fall all too easily...over your baby's coos, a sappy song, McDonald's commercials.  You may be surprised at what will make you weepy.  And that?  Is so normal too.

6.  It's okay to ask for help.  Don't even think about it.  Do it.  Especially if you feel like you're tipping the scales toward desperation.

7.  It's okay to think you're baby is being an asshole.  (sorry - but you probably will have these moments).  He or she is NOT actually being an asshole on purpose to make you crazy.  They're just being babies and babies cry and demand a lot from you.

8.  It's okay to want to scream.  Just scream into a pillow so your neighbours don't freak out and call the cops.

9.  It's okay to feed your baby however you wish.  Boob, bottle, both.  You love your baby more than anything else.  That's all that matters.  Don't let anyone else make you feel guilty or weird or whatever for your choices.  It's your business and no one else's.

10.  It's okay to feel like you have no clue what you're doing.  Do any of us really know what the heck we're doing?  There's no Motherhood instruction booklet, no manual.  It's really kind of insane if you think about it.  There are, however, baby books - like hundreds of thousands of them.  And I would encourage a new Mother to not read too many of them. It will skyrocket your (already new) anxiety as a Mother to new heights.  And this thing they call 'Mother's Instinct?'  It's not always there right away.  The best thing to do when you're feeling overwhelmed or simply need to talk is to call a friend who's a Mother.

11.  It's okay if you don't feel immediately connected to your baby.  I think this is probably more common with first time Mama's but even more so with women that have had a very difficult pregnancy and or labour and birth.  I'm no psychologist but it's a pretty bizarre moment meeting this little being that's been growing in your belly for almost 10 months.  It's a beautiful moment, no doubt about it.  Beautifully bizarre though.

12.  It's okay to do whatever it takes to make your beautiful cherub go the f&^% to sleep.  Rock him, sing to him, put him in a swing, carry him, drive him around, walk with him, bounce with him on an exercise ball (take it from me - that thing was my sanity saver).  Don't stress yourself out about the whole sleep training thing.  A regular bed time routine works best (and that's the only 'real' advice I have) but it's definitely not something to really concern yourself with within the first few months.

Your baby will never be spoiled with too many squishes, kisses, cuddles and love.

Indulge yourself at every whim.

Take time to enjoy the ride.  Babyhood is not always easy but the sweet moments sure are delectably delicious.

I Smile (though I would rather Scream)

It's been a nonstop deluge of activities, day trips and weekend trips this summer.  Visiting with family and friends.  It's been full of adventure, new experiences and new places.  Which is why, after returning from a 3.5 hour car trip with 2 young ones AND a whining, unstable canine I decided that today we would simply chill out at home.  Maybe watch some movies, paint, read books and make cookies.  Sounds idyllic doesn't it?  Chill, though?  Is not a word that exists in this household.  We did do all of those activities I mentioned.  But those things don't take up the entirety of the day and when the lull hit.  My boys began to go a little bananas.  Stuck inside on a rainy day.  One child with a terrible cough.  The other one simply a busy little 2 year old boy who enjoys annoying his big brother that happened to have a horrible nights sleep and no nap.

You know this will only end in catastrophe right?

I began to count down the hours (or minutes as they seemed to be ticking an a frustratingly slow rate) until bed time around 3:30 when my eldest demanded his third cookie and fourth cup of juice and my littlest awoke from his nap from less than an hour of shut eye.

There were whiny requests for Cheerios, fights over who could sit on my lap (doesn't sound as annoying as it truly is - though I do love me some snuggles, when they're both yelling in your ear for them it's takes the sweetness out of it.  Somehow.) and me ironically wishing to yell for stillness and quiet as they clambered all over me like I was piece of their backyard play equipment.  We made it down the stairs and within 10 minutes a glass of lemonade was knocked over on the kitchen table (barely missing my open computer), Finley was knocked to the ground accidentally by yours truly (as I ran with my computer to the kitchen counter) He was already crying because he wanted his brother's Iron Man umbrella and being hip checked by his Dear Mother sure didn't help. Adrian began licking the lemonade off the table like an animal as I muttered 'shit' about a hundred times thinking my computer got sizzled with lemonade. The dog began running around growling with my son's sandal in her mouth.  Of-course Adrian then took notice of this when he took a second to glance up from licking the table and ran over to her screaming to drop his sandal.  My littlest then decided that a small green magnetic letter 'a' was of utmost importance to obtain but found he couldn't hide it properly - or to his satisfaction - under a blue tea cloth.  And so the waterworks began again.  And again.

No one ever said that 2 year olds made sense.  Or that 4 year old boys were made up of charm.

Both boys were crying, the dog was barking and I stood there unshowered, unkempt and still in my pj's at 4 pm. I was feeling every bit of the Stay At Home Mother I am...whatever that means.  I didn't know if I felt like crying, screaming or laughing uncontrollably.

And I had no clue how I was to make something from nothing when dinner was due to be on the table in an hour and I couldn't remember the last time I bought groceries.

The next hour brought more of the same as I cooked up a gourmet meal of baked beans, corn, buttered toast and cheese.  And peanut butter and honey sandwiches for my little.  I was beyond coaxing and cajoling food into my youngest child which seems to be all I do at meals now and so what he requested is what he got.  We sat around the table about to dig in to our feast when my phone rang.  Of-course, of-course!  Just as the phone rang Adrian clutched his tummy and moaned about how bad it hurt.  Probably had nothing to do with the fact that he hasn't pooped in 4 days.  I answered the phone to hear my husband's baritone, reassuring voice calling (unfortunately for me) from another country.  Then Adrian (somehow?) promptly fell off of his chair.  More howling from him as I handed my phone to Finley who proceeded to tell his Daddy that he was eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich immediately thereafter placed the phone back onto the table to continue his meal.  Uninterrupted.  Adrian moaned and writhed and cried and clutched while I held him on the couch as my husband's voice sat quiet on the dining room table.  Waiting.

This is what happens in my house.  A lot. This should make y'all feel better now no? ...because I'm sure everyone that is a parent can relate to a day such as this.

Good times friends.

Goooood times.

On a more positive note we've been doing the #30daysofhappiness project put together by a very cool website at http://thesmileepidemic.tumblr.com/....here are some things that despite the chaotic crazy day, have made us smile...

It's such a fabulous idea!  Easy and fun - the whole family can join....you should check it out!  :)