Big Much

We sat, my littlest and I, at the kitchen table with the late afternoon sun beckoning between the crack of the patio door curtains.  He, with sweet potato wheat thins on the mind.  Present and choosing each morsel ever so purposefully.  Me, my mind marinating, my heart mewling, my soul stirring in the life of my not-so-distant future after reading this. 

I looked over at my not quite 3 year old little boy munching so innocently on his snack while this Mother's world turned at warp speed with harrowing thoughts of letting go. I said only what always comes directly to mind when this happens...because these thoughts?  They happen all too often.

"Mummy loves you.   So, so much. You know that right Finny?"

He continued his mindful masticating without even looking my way.  Like I didn't even say a word.

I looked back at my computer screen.

Then back at him.  I was going to try this once again.

"How much does Mummy love you?"

He continued snarfling away at his damn crackers.  My question was a mere annoyance.  Interfering with this Godly moment of feeding his face.

He was paying absolutely no attention to his Mother.  This Mother that loved him beyond any sort of measurement in time or space.


Beyond.

The love between a child and parent is beyond any comprehension. Until you become a parent yourself.  There is no other way to tap into the potential of your heart and soul's capacity to truly experience a  Love Beyond than to have children of your own.  That's why the question I was asking...I didn't really expect an answer.

But then he looked right at me.  His eyes were big blue saucers that drew me into his like an eddy. I knew then that he had heard me.  He was listening.

"Big Much!"

He put his still slightly pudgy, cracker crumbed hands on either side of my face and puckered up those delicious lips for the sweetest Mother-Son kiss that ever was.

My heart shimmered, as vulnerable and translucent as pink Jello.

My smile and laughter at his answer mirrored every other Mother's smile and laughter when their child says such words of sweet succinct perfection.

Big Much.  


Yes baby boy. I love you Big Much.  


And a million trillion times more.