Thursday, July 26, 2012

Feels like Home

The dinner hour did not go well.  Which is pretty typical in a household of little ones.  There was some shouting, button pushing, getting up from the table without excusing and lots of crying from my eldest.

This was all because of children not wanting to eat.  *sigh*  Isn't that always the battle?

I'm not really into food pushing.  I figure they'll eat when they're hungry and if they don't eat at dinner and they get hungry just before bed - always just before bed, it's the ultimate stall tactic - they can have the dinner they didn't eat and / or some fruit.

I try to encourage eating bananas with a glass of milk because they have tryptophan in them.  The same chemical found in turkey that makes one oh so sleepy after a big meal...oh?  Maybe you didn't know that?  Well.  You are welcome.

So anyway.  I'm not into food pushing.  My husband though?  He's a "3 more bites" and after the 3 bites there must be 3 more kinda Dad.  It's the rare issue we don't really see eye to eye with.  After spending all the live long day with my boys I simply do not have the energy for food pushing.  (and I absolutely one thousand percent refuse to make separate meals for my kids).  Besides that, my boys are a combined weight of almost 80 lbs.  For a 2 and a 4 year old that's a pretty healthy weight so it's not like they're going to wilt away to nothing if they miss a meal.

On the dinner hour went and I just tucked into my dinner silently, trying to pretend the small war that waged around me wasn't happening.

After the chaos of dinner my husband headed upstairs in a slight huff with the littlest and I stayed down in the kitchen cleaning up while my eldest amused himself.

Then we danced with all of his 43 pound self all up in my arms.

And then.  Then, the fateful statement was made by my 4 yr old.

"I'm hungry."

I sighed heavily and did my motherly duty of finger waving about the reason why he was now hungry as I pulled out the fruit tray, gave him a fork and sat down beside him at the table.

Music was playing as it always does in our home.  It was a song that made my heart nostalgic.  It reminded me of the early dating days with my husband.

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

While the song played and my son munched away on his fruit I let my mind go to a place that I hadn't visited in a long, long while....

I was getting ready in my tiny bedroom with my Caboodles make-up holder set up in front of me (yes, I realize - seriously aging myself here) applying mascara and blush, curling my hair.  He was to pick me up at my very old little attic apartment any minute now.  "Feels Like Home" was blaring on my really low budget ghetto blaster. (again with the aging myself)  I - of-course - was singing along at the top of my lungs - nothing unusual for me - when he walked into my apartment because he probably knew I wouldn't be able hear his knock.  

And there he was filling in bedroom door.  And there I was sitting with a blush brush to my cheek.  Feeling only slightly embarrassed because he just heard me singing like I  really believed I was Chantal Kreviazuk.  Because even though we'd only been dating a very, very short while I knew he was the one.  

I felt like I'd known him my whole life.  

We seemed to 'get' each other right from the start.  

He felt like home to me. 

I was brought to the present when Adrian asked me a question..."What's this song called?"

"It's called Feels like Home."

And with that he climbed into my lap and curled up there with his eyes on mine as the words, 'And if you knew how happy you are making me, I never thought that I'd love anyone so much' sang on in the background.

My eyes welled up as they always do when I have these moments of stillness and wonder with my children.  I was never an overly sentimental or emotional person before my babies were born.  And then.  They were born.  And now.  I cry all.the.time.

We listened to the rest of the song in silence as Adrian sat cocooned in my lap, my cheek against his curls, my fingers lightly tickling his back - his comfort.  My comfort.  I took every ounce of his four year old preciousness in.

Because despite the tears and drama at the dinner hour and all the stress and chaos in between, this is what home truly does feel like.

For wherever my family is, there is my home.


middle child said...

First. The phrase "tucking into my dinner." Awesome!
And it is so good that the stress doesn't consume you because then you are able to see/feel the joy.

Kristin said...

Love this post....and Caboodles! I would have forgot about those if you didn't mention it. Flashbacks of a great "teen must have" and song as well!

Emily said...

Beautiful. I love the way you write and the way your family springs off the screen, so real and immediate, and so full of love and light.

phyllis grant said...

lovely post. i cry all the time too.