Monday, January 23, 2012

A 'Great Marriage' Gone Bad?

Rarely if ever have I gone the way of celebrity gossip on this little blog of mine.

Pft.  Who am I? Some silly brained nincompoop who actually cares about what happens in Hollywood???

The truth is...celebrity gossip magazines are like candy to me.  I'll get a craving for it every so often, buy a bunch of deliciously colourful In Touch's and Us Weekly's, inhaling them mindlessly and voraciously at at a breakneck speed and then feel disgusted and annoyed at myself for the stupid indulgence that wasn't worth the money anyway.  Besides that, half the people in there I don't even recognize now anyway.  Talk about feeling old.

The whole point of what I'm about to say here ... doesn't really have much to do with what I'm about to say here except that I'm about to wax philosophical on the demise of a Hollywood marriage that I thought for sure was impenetrable .

Heidi and Seal.  And their beautiful brood of four.

I read this tidbit of gossip this morning which unfortunately didn't turn out to be gossip in the end.  It made me incredibly sad.  This was a woman who claimed to sleep naked for her husband - which by the way - I do not believe to be true.  Who sleeps naked that has 4 kids?

And Seal who claimed to live by the saying "Happy wife, happy life."  Well Seal my man...clearly she was not a happy wife.  Which brings me back to another reason why I know for a fact she never slept in her birthday suit.

Seven years they were together.  Seven years they renewed their vows.  And just now they've realized they've grown apart.  Which made me people grow apart....or do they just give up trying to grow together?

I understand growing apart in a relationship when you're in high school or college. I know I'm a very different person now than I was then.  My inner core of beliefs has stayed the same but my interests, passions and view on the world has changed quite a bit.  I've developed new interests, realized things about myself that I didn't know even 10 years ago and have developed a more empathetic view of life.  This view may have something to do with becoming a Mother.

It seems to me, that she had a LOT going on in her life.  Project Runway, lingerie and clothing lines, make up lines, perfumes, acting, spokesperson, model...

I can barely write this blog, take care of my kids and house and pay attention to my husband on a good day.  I get that it's Hollywood, there are nannies and housekeepers and all but I can imagine she was probably feeling stretched beyond her limits.  Who has time to do all of that?  Was she trying too hard to 'do it all, be it all' like so many woman - only she was doing way, way too much and neglected the most important relationship of all?  No one wins when that happens. There's not enough time in a day to do all, be all  AND ensure your children are getting enough from you, not to mention your husband.  When are women going to realize they cannot do it all and be happy - this is simply not realistic - at some point something has got to give.

Not that I'm letting Seal off the hook here.  Marriage is a two way deal, I do believe that.  But I just can't imagine that anyone who writes a song like "Kiss from a Rose" could really do any wrong.

One of my favourite marriage quotes is, "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

I will never, ever claim to be an expert in marriage but do have a pretty good marriage.  It's normal and healthy though not without it's own peaks and valleys.  No marriage is perfect, no marriage is without the good and the bad, the fights and the make ups, the challenges the successes whatever they may be and so it tends to make me pensive when I feel like a couple has given up in the valley...given up the falling in love again part (though it's never as dreamy as it was in the beginning, it still feels really good).  I get especially disheartened and heartbroken when children are involved. They are the innocent victims of it all and it pains me to no end.  I just hope that this heart aching process for Heidi and Seal and everyone involved goes the rare Hollywood way of grace and respect. It's the least they can do for their beautiful babies.


Kristin said...

Loved this post! Your line, "do people grow apart....or do they just give up trying to grow together?" is brilliant. For this couple, and others, I hope their decision follows much effort in considering this point.

middle child said...

It hurt me to read about Seal and Heidi. I think for me it's all about wanting a couple, any couple to really love each other. To continue to love each other.

Lisa said...

I love that quote too. Sometimes we forget why we fell in love in the first place. It's been a rough month for us.