Thursday, August 11, 2011

Just. Say. No.

As I lay beside my restless 3 year old at nap time he asks me one of his random questions, "Mumma, can you do a cartwheel?"

My mind instantly rewinds to one year ago when I'd had, perhaps, too many glasses of vino and thought I'd morphed into a tweenaged nimble gymnast.

I answered, "Yes, I can.  And I'll show you when you wake up from your nap.  Now put your head on your pillow and close your eyes bud."

Well,  he never did nap that day.

And the cartwheel conversation quickly fell out of my mind as most things do these days.

The day went on.

Then.  After dinner while John was cleaning up the kitchen and I lazed on the couch like a useless nincompoop (this is a rare site indeed, I'll have you know) my son asked me if I could do 'that cartwheel'.

I drag my useless lazy ass up off the couch and say, "Sure!"

And proceed to do, what I'm a thousand percent sure, is the worst excuse of a cartwheel attempt.  EVER.

Now.  To my credit, the worst excuse of a cartwheel attempt was attempted IN my HOUSE.  Which, considering the hard wood floors and small space, is not the most practical place to be doing acrobatics.

So.  That being said, if I would've done the cartwheel out of doors like a sensible person I would've totally rocked the crap out of it.


However.  I did not.

Now my son believes that putting his hands on the ground and simply hopping his feet from right to left is a pretty awesome cartwheel.

And who am I (but his ridiculous Mother that showed him how an atrocious cartwheel is done) to crush the poor little dude's soul???

*hanging my head in shame*

Just a word from the unwise.

If you are humble (unlike me) and admit that you cannot do certain stunts like cartwheels or back handsprings, simply youtube it.  Your child will never  might have a chance to be the next Mary Lou Retton.  Or not.  But at least no body, nor furniture gets hurt.

And no one ends up looking a fool.

And if you think you can actually do a cartwheel which I totally can do it out of doors.

Preferable where there are no trees, children's toys or bee hives.

A grassy knoll would be perfect.

And for God's sakes.  Please.  Do.  Not.  Forget.  To.  Stretch.

'Cause I don't know about you.  But I sure DON'T have the body of a nimble tweenaged gymnast.

At least...not anymore.

And I sure as hell felt the  lamest ever cartwheel attempt, the next day.



Lisa said...

Hahahaha. I don't remember the last time I did a cartwheel. I was also the master of the roundoff. There, however, is where my gymnastics skills ended.

Helene said...

OMG, that's so funny! But you know, you have to give yourself a pat on the back for at least attempting it. He doesn't know it wasn't a perfect cartwheel, right?

Bella's been obsessed with learning how to hula hoop and she asked if I knew how to. Well, when I was her age...hell, yeah...I was THE best hula hooper on my street. But now, not so much. I still tried...and she laughed at me, grabbed the hoop away from me and said, "Silly Mommy, you said you knew how to hula hoop".

Ado said...

Oh the visual!
PS: Thank you for the VERY SAGE advice - "if you don't know how to do something, simply YouTube it." A most excellent suggestion.
PSPS: I don't know how to do a cartwheel - never did - so it's one of those "thing" I want my kids to know how to do. My first knows, but the 2nd - anyway I was just thinking about this cartwheel stuff today. She is taking a little gym class and I asked them, "Look - I can't cartwheel ("hang head in shame!") - can YOU teach her?" = hey a mom has to do what a mom has to do! (-: At least you once knew how to do one!!

Karen said...

LOL! What we do to be awesome in our kidlets eyes. But, thankfully, they are the easiest of judges and don't mind a wonky cartwheel or songs sung in keys known only to four legged creatures. And for things we absolutely cannot do or even attempt, thank goodness there's always Google to find the soul who has! :>

Celeste said...

Haaaa!!! Well good for you mama for taking on the challenge! I would of done the same and looked the same. Love these kinds of posts! Got a new follower via Sunday Funday linky.

Now go and rock a mean ROUND OFF next!


Lady Goo Goo Gaga said...

Good for you for trying!! LOL

Amber_D said...

For a reason that escapes me I attempted a cartwheel a few months ago when playing outside with the kids. I went ALL OUT and totally pulled a muscle in my groin.

I limped for days and told everyone I injured myself jogging.

So embarrassing.