Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Drawing the Line

A recent blog article I read made me think. (I think I love my son a litte bit more than my daughter)  It was not what this article was specifically about that made me think because this was not an article I could relate to much at all (thankfully), however, it was definitely thought provoking.  I have 2 sons that are 21 months apart and very, very different.  I relish those differences and though my 3 year old has typical 3 year old behaviour and can be quite challenging at the best of times I've never had the darkest thoughts that this woman has had.  I feel quite lucky that I haven't because although she did receive some pretty harsh comments, she also had some people that agreed with her.  Clearly she is not alone with her unsettling thoughts.  However, she did receive many, many negative responses about this quote in particular "There are moments – in my least sane and darkest thoughts – when I think it wouldn’t be so bad if I lost my daughter, as long as I never had to lose my son (assuming crazy, dire, insane circumstances that would never actually occur in real life).  I know that sounds completely awful and truly crazy"  

We all have crazy, nutty and insane thoughts at some points, in the worst moments of our lives, and at times when things seem to be spinning beyond our control.  I get that.  I totally do.  I just what point should we draw the line as bloggers?  At what point do bloggers help others we don't know at all, relate to us, while at the same time hurting and possibly forever damaging those relationships the closest to us.  All bloggers have a reason for sharing their thoughts, and feelings with the outside world.  Those that have the great opportunity to make money from doing it have their own motives.  The woman that wrote this controversial article does make money from blogging which could give a whole other twist to the reason behind this article...shock value can also equal more people hitting on your blog which equals more moola in her pocket.  Not that I'm saying that's why she wrote what she did but it crossed my mind.  My reason for blogging is clearly quite different than hers.  I love that it allows me to record these amazing (and not so amazing) moments in time that go by so quickly we forget most of them if we don't.  This is also my only creative outlet at this point in my life.  It's not all roses and rainbows.  Of-course it isn't.  There are okay days, great days and pretty crappy, challenging days too.  I am honest in the blogs I write. But I suppose as bloggers we also have the ability to "choose" in what light others can see us.  We also have our own style of how we express ourselves.  Sure, I'm honest in what I share, but I also feel the need to censure some things.  Or perhaps edit out the less than desirable things I could say but don't because I have other people in my life to think about that I love and care about far too much to expose such private moments and thoughts on a public forum.  

Since this is my blog and considering I am a pretty light hearted soul this is how I would like to "portray" my personal blog.  I am okay with my son reading about defecating on his foot 20 years from now and that there are days that him and his brother drive me absolutely crazy bananas.  I am okay with my husband knowing he makes me steaming mad sometimes and I'm really fine with my children reading about that 20 years from now too.  John and I argue in front of our children....yes we do.  They're certainly not knock down, drag out fights.  My husband and I are both very strong minded BUT we don't "fight dirty".  I am fine with my children seeing that it's OKAY to disagree.  Nobody gets along 24/7.  That is NOT reality.  Of-course we now have a 3 year old referee with the name of Adrian who will tell us to "Calm down guys" at which point we let him know that Mom and Dad are okay, we're just having a disagreement.  And many times, 2 minutes later we're laughing about whatever.  That's the way John and I work.  We lay it all out immediately and (usually) it's done.  I know that some people might be uncomfortable with this, they may not agree that this is a part of "good parenting" (God knows we ALL parent differently) and I'm okay with that.  My children also see John and I hugging, kissing and giving affection to one another on a daily basis.  

I understand that some people may feel the need or want to read the deepest, darkest thoughts of another and I really do believe that good that comes from those blogs too.  It may possibly help someone else feel that they're not alone in their thoughts, however, this is not the kind blog you'll get here.  I would like my blog to be something a person can relate to whether they happen to be parents or not while at the same time entertaining them for a moment or two.  I also want my boys to look back on these entries with good feelings and the peace of mind knowing that although we had our struggles that they were and always will be loved as equally and as intensely by their Dad and me.

That's all.  If I've done that, I've done what I've come here to do.


Perfect Dad said...

Nice review. I really disliked that article and the follow-up where she justified her comments. If they are true, then I think she should meditate a little more.

I was especially saddened by the impression that it wouldn't be too bad if her daughter just "disappeared". I think those are very bad feelings. I've only felt that way briefly about people who really wronged me -- and I still felt badly afterward! I wrote a post on my blog, not about that but coincidentally on the same day about a child abuser I had just read about in the paper and how sad they make me ... maybe I was primed to see more into her article than she wrote.

I'm a new parenthood blogger and stumbled across your blog from that article.

January Dawn said...

Thanks so much for your comment!

I'll have to return the favour and check out your blog!

Ellen said...

Well put GG. To the point and honest.