Wednesday, March 23, 2011


A blizzard on a spring day.  What the?  Seriously.  Like we haven't had enough snow.

Winter!  Do you HEAR ME????  GIVE IT UP ALREADY!!!

Enough about the weather although it had a lot to do with the height of my anxiety levels today.  Not that I HAD to go out in, that was not the plan.  You see, John took the truck today because we're refinishing our kitchen cabinets and our little well, too little to fit all the cabinets into.

He also took Adrian to school today.

4 o'clock in the afternoon rolls around.  I was playing with Finley in the family room when my husband calls to tell me that his work had let everyone go home early today because of the weather.

So WHY was he still at work?

He thought it would be a good idea to wait for the traffic to die down and he would leave at 5 (and he had a ton of work to do still)....oh and by the way...."what is the latest I can pick up Aidy?"

That would be 6.

And then the dooming words after hearing a huff, a puff and a sigh from yours truly...
"It's not going to take me an HOUR to get home"

Even though he works a half hour away from our house and about 45 minutes away from Adrian's pre-school.  Oh and it's been snow storming.

 All. Day. Long.

I should have demanded he leave that very minute!  That very second dammit!

But, oh no, against my better judgement, I trusted my husband's instincts as I quietly freaked out on the inside.

The phone rings at 5:15 pm.

It's my husband again.

Telling me he's been stuck in traffic for a half and hour and is no where near home.

Our other car had about 2 feet of snow on it and frankly is not exactly a car anyone would want to be driving in the middle of a snow storm.  A bit sketchy to say the least.  Plus it only has 1 car seat in it.

All I could picture was Adrian waiting....and waiting.....and waiting for Mommy or Daddy to come pick him up from school.

The last little kid in his school...wondering if he's been abandoned.

Okay, so I was totally projecting onto him a horrible memory of when I was in summer camp at age 7 or 8 and me and my brother were the very last kids to be picked up on a Friday night.  My parents were separated when I was 5 and my Dad took us every other week-end; maybe they switched up week-ends and forgot who was to pick us up?  Miscommunication???  I'm still not sure the back story.  In any case, it was an awful, terrifying feeling that I'll never forget and that I hope to GOD my kids never, EVER feel.

For a few hours (or what felt like hours at that reality it was probably 20 mins) I felt what it was  to be abandoned...forgotten.

Melodramatic much, you say?  Hey, that's how I felt!

Okay.  Back to the present crisis at hand.

Thank goodness my lovely neighbor Csilla was home who has 2 boys the same age as mine...hence also a van with 2 car seats which she so generously and trustingly lent to me.


I didn't have a lot of time.  It was 5:30 after I'd gotten Fin and I dressed in our winter attire.  It usually takes me 15 mins to get to his school on a good day....if I'm lucky I'd be there just in time.

Dear God, please, please, please don't have him sitting all alone.

Please, please, please!

That was what I silently chanted to myself.  Over and over...and over again.

I pulled into the parking lot at 5:50 pm and was in the school with 5 minutes to spare.

And there he was.  My sweet curly headed little boy.  His back was to me.

He was the only child left.  Sitting at the table reading a book.  With his teacher.

Okay so he wasn't totally alone.  But none of his little buddies were there.

Oh the guilt!

As soon as he saw me he was all smiles and "Mummy!!!  Can we go to Timmies???"

He wasn't traumatized.  He likely never felt those terrifying feelings of fear and abandonment that I had all those years ago.

He still requested what he wants every other time I pick him up from school after a choke inducing hug...

A Tim Horton's timbit.


Ado said...

Amazing how we can fall prey to projecting our own feelings from our childhoods onto our kids - then poof! sometimes they can teach *us* lessons in letting go huh?

January Dawn said...

Ado, you are so right about that! Kids are the best teachers aren't they?